As you ALL know, this was the last CFUnited ever, and as an attendee, I am certain that this fact was actually a positive influence on how the conference played out. The camaraderie that is always an integral part of this event was magnified by the ever-present fact that we just don’t know when we may be able to assemble ourselves in these numbers again. I know for myself (and I do believe that I am representative of most of my CF brethren), I felt it to be even more important this year to seek out and get to know new faces, and to push myself outside of my hermit-like inclinations and spend good quality social face time.  During said face time, we all engaged in the discussions of the subjects that this conference’s demise has brought to the forefronts of our minds. Why was it ending? What did it mean for our community? What would be the ramifications? Was it a sign of anything to come? as confident as we are about the future of the language we embrace and earn our livings with, the demise of the grandest exclusively CF event to grace our professional landscape in the past six years has definitely been a cause of at least minimal concern to many. But, through the process of the fellowship, the sessions, the after parties, and the after parties’ after parties, I gained an absolute reassurance that what we have witnessed is nothing more than the results of an economy that’s been on a downward trend for the past three years and is in no way a prognostication of the future of ColdFusion. In fact, what it DOES mean is that now that one of the larger trees in the forest has sadly fallen, the vacancy it leaves us with is the opportunity and catalyst to allow for the currently smaller, more focused, and/or regional conferences to flourish and fill this niche in our professional ecosystem. I firmly believe this, and have found nothing but reassurance for this belief in the past three days of being immersed among my peers and mentors.

ON THE NEGATIVE (BUT POSITIVE) SIDE...

Having highlighted how excellent the conference was, I feel the need to share a less positive opinion based on my observations this year as an attendee. This particular CFUnited seemed to greatly lack in its administration as compared to those in the past that i have attended. The staff seemed more interested in doing their own thing as opposed to being focused on the details relevant to a conference, such as session start/stop times, ensuring sound levels, recording speakers, ensuring that the doors were closed once a speaker began, giving the speaker cues as to when his or her time was nearly up, and just maintaining a positive, prominent presence throughout the event. Fortunately, and I give HUGE kudos to these individuals, there were those individuals who were in attendance that took great responsibility upon themselves to fill in these gaps. They ensured that the registration desks were properly manned and that the attendees were given the proper attention at registration, they went the extra mile and turned what would probably have been blas’e social events into OUTSTANDING social events, they invested their own time to make certain that the fellowship, the tradition, and the kindred nature that we all share as a CF community was recognized and honored. I would give specific shout outs to those who I am aware were instrumental in making this conference as memorable and awesome as it was, but truth be told, everybody in attendance had some hand in that. Together, we made this CFUnited what it should be, and we can be proud of that fact. On the other hand, the actual organizers of the event...honestly, they couldn’t have seemed more disinterested to me. Oh, and the fact that I was solicited via email to help "save" CFUnited by BUYING THE RIGHTS TO IT??? Man, that's like telling your kid you love him and then putting a price tag on his forehead. That's just wrong in my book. Like I said, just my observation and opinions here.

 LOSING MY VIRGINITIES

This conference also happened to be one that resulted in a few major changes for me. Besides the hardly containable inspiration that the sessions were regarding things like alternatives to RDBMS, iPhone development, the exploration of HTML5, and a new found interest in the CF on Wheels and FW/1 frameworks, I also found myself doing things that I was certain I never would do. I, a profoundly staunch PC, discovered that I am now “i-curious”. I want a mac. It stuns me and frankly, freaks me out, every time i hear myself say such a thing, but it’s true: i want a mac. Any of my friends who know me very well are probably picking their jaws up off of the floor at reading that, as I have never even come CLOSE to waivering in my unrelenting despisings (and uninhibited vocalization OF those despisings!) of all things mac. Heck, when they first saw me palming an iPhone they nearly fainted. But after seeing the presentation on iphone development with the Coldbox framework as the backend data services, something just gave up inside of my head and I, for the first time in my life, understood what it felt like to desire a mac. I know, this almost sounds like I’m coming out of the closet, and in many ways it certainly does feel that way to me, too! A strange feeling, like I’m giving in to the thing I shunned for so long...I’m being dramatic, huh?

Oh, the second thing I did that I said I would purposefully NEVER do: I had my picture taken with Ben Nadel. Again, as any of my friends who know me well will attest to, I am in general an “anti-herd” guy; if everybody’s doing it, then to me that’s a sure sign that they’re doing something i do NOT want to do. And, since everybody seemed to be giddy at the idea of having their picture with Ben up on his site, I naturally vowed internally never to do so. But then, I actually got a chance to meet Ben and talk with him a little bit. Gosh darn it, he’s just too nice! :) So, I conceded and participated in a three way with him and Ryan Jeffords. Three way photo opp, that is. :)

WHAT NOW?

So NOW then... let’s all set our sights on the next conference or conferences we’re going to attend, shall we? Our time honored tradition of supporting our community by communally sharing what we all learn individually must continue, and it will do so in the form of ALL of us making it a point to contribute and participate in whatever ways we can. BLOG, y’all. BLOG the things you learn that have made your development life easier. TWEET. Share the tiny 140 character moments of your days that reveal your knowledge, wit, charm, losses, gains, wisdom, and personality to the rest of us. SPEAK. Overcome your erroneous belief that you have nothing of value to offer your peers and mentors and volunteer to speak at your local user group, the online cfmeetup group, other user groups in other cities, and conferences. When you get the word that such and such conference is having a call for speakers, you should be prepared to submit yourself and two or three topics that you have already presented on via the user groups. I know it can be difficult to overcome shyness and such, but believe me, all of us have something of value to offer. Heck, even the very fact that someone who never spoke publicly before is making that effort is in itSELF an inspiration to others, regardless of the topic or how smooth the preso goes!

Oh, let me leave you all with this awesome resource that Charlie Arehart maintains for the sake of his community: http://www.carehart.org/cf411/  There, you can find out about all the latest conferences and other resources whereby a CF developer can get “plugged in” to his or her community and begin partaking and sharing.

CONCLUSION

This conference has left me with a LOT of new friends, personalities and faces to connect with twitter icons, a boat load of technical inspiration, and the loss of at least two virginities. CFUnited 2010 rocked, y’all! If you missed it, you really did miss a lot.

I look forward to crossing paths with you in the future! In the meantime, if you're not already, let's be virtual buddies, eh? My twitter name is dougboude

Life Lessons for Boys, Young Men, and Men

Things i've learned over the years that, if taken to heart by a young man, will save him immense amounts of grief. If you are a father or mentor to young men and/or boys, make it a point to help instill these things into them. By example is always best, but weaving such things into daily conversation and situations can have a positive affect as well.

Feel free to add useful items in the comments section!

(note: These are in no particular order)

1. Get to know your potential wife's mother as well as possible, because she is very likely a close approximation of who the love of your life will turn out to be. A girl gets a lot of her values and beliefs (and half of her genes!) from her mother.

2. When you love a girl and you think you want to marry her, the true test is to look at yourself. If she makes you twice the man you could ever be on your own, then there's a good chance that this is the one. ;)

3. Buy a house at the earliest possible time. Any house, any place, any terms. Just do it. You will not regret the investment.

4. CARE about your credit from the  moment you take your first job, and treat it as a precious thing.

5. Practice the self-discipline of having moderation in all things; too much of ANYTHING will have a negative effect on you.

6. Always remember that you are not the captain of the ship, but merely a first mate...you do NOT have control of every aspect of your life. Therefore, be aware of the nudges and hints and road signs that "fate" will give you, and follow them; watch for the doors that open, and walk through them.

7. Do everything with the understanding that it will come back to you eventually (because it will indeed come back to you), so give it your best effort, morally and physically. Believe this: NOTHING in your past will ever just disappear; if you do not deal with it now, you WILL deal with it later.

8. Adopted from Solomon, but so, so true: Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with all thy might. If a thing is worth doing at all, then do it to the very best of your ability.

9. Do not fear change, no matter what form it appears in; Change is good and a door of opportunity: utilize it as a step upward.

10. Whatever you break (relationships, moral obligations, physical items, etc.), FIX IT immediately. Procrastination can render a thing unable to be fixed...ever.

11. Silence (in a relationship) is never your friend. Communication is the pathway to healing and growth.

12. In order to make every argument result in a positive outcome, remember and practice this truth: The ONE thing that all sides need above all other things is TO BE HEARD. Not shallowly, not patronizingly, but sincerely listened to. Give them that, and they will be able to hear you. Deny them that one thing, and they will never be able to hear you no matter how solid your case is. (here's another post I did a while back specifically on this subject)

13. Whenever possible, buy yourself a used car outright ($2000-$5000) then plan on occasionally investing in repairs. This is MUCH wiser than financing and you'll be happier and smarter for it.

14. NEVER resign yourself to a less than desirable outcome until you have exhausted every possible avenue, and I do mean EVERY one. Do NOT be a "door shutter"...you open those doors, and you check them out.

15. If you want something, ASK for it, no matter how certain you are of the answer beforehand. You never know what you can have until you ask.

16. Do the things that cause you to like and be happy with yourself; choose the things you know to be right and good no matter how hard your peers or even your own self pressures you to choose otherwise. Elect to do the thing for which you will have no regrets later.

17. In all of your relationships, romantic or not, GIVE. Practice it.

18. Honor those who trust you by doing what you commit to, for they have honored you by believing that you will.

19. All politics aside, you ARE physically the stronger of the sexes; use that advantage to protect, provide, and love; never to harm.

20. Ascribe great value to your relationship with your parents, even through the tumultuous teenage years. You may feel like you don't want it now, but you WILL want it later.

Following are the top 20 things that I have come to learn over the years that I feel, if implemented, taught, embraced, and adhered to, will be the keys to maintaining a happy and efficient home, as well as a posterity fully prepared to go forth and do likewise.
Feel free to add to this list in the comments! :)

1. Every person in your home is entitled to a safe, drama-free environment. Make this precept the primary goal in all things. Make NO exceptions to this rule. When an individual chooses to disrespect the right of others to a drama-free environment, that individual must "repair what they broke"; make it right, make reconciliation with whoever it is they have affected and offended. It is the RIGHT of all members of your household to peace. Defend those rights, to one and all.

2. Teach your family NOT to waste. Electricity, water, heat, food, AC...only use what is needed, then TURN IT OFF or CLOSE IT. Frugality is of lifelong benefit to all who learn it.

3. Consider every situation, moment, and interaction as an opportunity to teach your children. Drop a bit of relevant wisdom, point out something of interest, show them affection, do something that you would want them to mimic, ask them questions to get them thinking, connect a dot or two, etc. Just always be mindful of the fleeting time and that one of your primary jobs is to guide and instruct, whether by word or example.

4. Every rule you have set for your home should be upheld at all times, without exception. Consistency is so very vital to maintaining a happy home.

5. Consider every rule in place a guide, and treat each violation as an individual situation, applying judgment and love. The true goal, desired outcome, and primary reason behind having rules is that, in the end, you will provide your children with a stable and consistent environment, and to instill within them the ability to discipline themselves. Do not make the mistake of enforcing rules without making judgment in every individual situation the lens through which you consider the circumstances of the matter. A child's age and maturity level, their ability, capacity for understanding, motive...all must be weighed. Use the rules as a starting point, a guide, by which to assign standards to your household; but in all of it, use judgment first.

6. Taste life. Life happens each and every moment, but make it a point to purposefully taste it, be aware of it, appreciate every small thing. This is for you personally, first, then for your family.

7. Make it a point to teach your family that there should be moderation in all things, at all times; that too much of anything (tv, fun, food, video games, sunshine, sleep, work, laziness, etc.) can be detrimental to one's well being and mental health. Practice what you preach, and point out to them the times when you and they DO exercise moderation and how much better it is.

8. Hold your children accountable for their actions. Reward those that are good, punish those that are bad, always mindful to exercise judgment in the situation based on the child's age, the situation, the circumstances, and the child's maturity level.

9. NEVER reward bad behavior. NEVER.

10. Be consistent in the manner in which you apply the rules and guidelines of your household. No favoritism, no slacking due to your own apathy, no double standards.

11. As often as possible, spend the first few minutes of bed time talking to your children. About your own childhood, Bible stories, analyzing situations that happened that day, making shadow puppets on the wall from the streetlight coming in the window...anything. Spend that time with them, make it special, make it memorable. Make sure they know that they are loved.

12. Start family traditions. Even small things will stay with them and their children for generations to come. For instance, my grandpa used to take me out to sit on the front porch with him, and together we would eat an apple. he would peel it and give the peelings to me, then take turns cutting slices off of it, one for him, one for me. During that time we would just talk about things...those times were some of my best memories, so I do it with my own children and grandchildren. Nothing is too small to be special.

13. Expose your children to new things. New genres of music, new leisure activities, new games, new books or movies; teach them to desire the expansion of their own horizons, and how to do it themselves.

14. Teach your family to respect nature and the earth. Never allow them to throw their trash on the ground, don't permit the pointless killing of any living creature for no reason, relocate spiders that find their way into the house by catching them and releasing them outside, teach them to be mindful of recycling, put a bird feeder on the back porch, plant a small garden (even in a flower pot!), set up a fish tank, and any other thing you have opportunity to show them by your own example.

15. Show the children, consistently and without fail, how to respect and love their mother. Show them this by your own love and respect for her. Never permit even the slightest hint of disrespect from your children toward their mother, and always rise to her defense when such things occur. Stand by her side, unwaivering, and show your young ones the queen that their mother is. In this they will learn how to treat women, how a child ought to esteem his or her mother, how to behave themselves well, and how to become respectable people themselves.

16. Teach your family not to fret during times of apparent financial stresses; be the pillar on which they can lean. Maintain a positive attitude, a proper prioritization of the things life consists of, and demonstrate the benefits of being resourceful, shoring up the budget, selling unneeded 'stuff', and being frugal in order to meet your family's needs. When you have finally run out of things to do and try, take the family for a walk. It helps clear the mind, relaxes the body, and I can't count the number of times I have done this and come across some idea or means of meeting the need (an unexpected check in the mail, finding cash or (back in the day) a book of food stamps, etc.). Show them how not to fear those things outside of our control, and instead to count their blessings and have faith in one another and that omniscient presence that sees all.

17. Never assume that by nature you will always love your wife like you should. It isn't a sign of weakness or fault in the relationship if you would benefit from some proactive soul searching and self-reminding about why you chose this woman and she you. Find scriptures that speak of the love and fidelity of a husband toward his wife, and lay them to heart. Get them out every now and then and read them, think about them, remind yourself, renew your love for her.

18. Even if you are a man who could hold a grudge for ten lifetimes, at the very least you must ALWAYS keep the door of forgiveness open to the truly repentant. If a person truly sees the error of their ways and asks you to forgive them, it is your duty to do so. Make this a part of the man you are.

19. Practice self-sacrifice for your family and for others. Not to be seen, so much (though that will occur sometimes), but for your own sake. When there is only enough pancakes left for each of the kids to have seconds, serve it to them happily, no matter how much you wanted one too...you can always go back later and grab an apple or a bowl of cereal if you're really that hungry! When everyone is in line for showers, go last; when you see something that you know your wife usually does (like take out the bathroom trash, or get up early and get your son ready for school), YOU do it. Every act of self-sacrifice, even in the small things, will make you just a little bit better man.

20. Make it a point to execute random acts of love and kindness...special acts...toward your wife. The unexpected back rub, breakfast in bed, a carefully chosen piece of jewelry bought on ebay, doing the dishes, INSISTING on date night, showing up with two glasses of chilled blush, your best attempt at poetry...the random, sincere "I love you"s; These are the water that keeps the plant thriving, the logs that keep the fire burning, the health that keeps the hearts in sync and beating.

If you’re reading this, you’re no doubt asking yourself, “Why did this have to happen?” The simple truth is that it is complicated and has been coming for a long time. The writing process, started many months ago, was intended to be therapy in the face of the looming realization that there isn’t enough therapy in the world that can fix what is really broken. Needless to say, this rant could fill volumes with example after example if I would let it. I find the process of writing it frustrating, tedious, and probably pointless… especially given my gross inability to gracefully articulate my thoughts in light of the storm raging in my head. Exactly what is therapeutic about that I’m not sure, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

We are all taught as children that without laws there would be no society, only anarchy. Sadly, starting at early ages we in this country have been brainwashed to believe that, in return for our dedication and service, our government stands for justice for all. We are further brainwashed to believe that there is freedom in this place, and that we should be ready to lay our lives down for the noble principals represented by its founding fathers. Remember? One of these was “no taxation without representation”. I have spent the total years of my adulthood unlearning that crap from only a few years of my childhood. These days anyone who really stands up for that principal is promptly labeled a “crackpot”, traitor and worse.

While very few working people would say they haven’t had their fair share of taxes (as can I), in my lifetime I can say with a great degree of certainty that there has never been a politician cast a vote on any matter with the likes of me or my interests in mind. Nor, for that matter, are they the least bit interested in me or anything I have to say.

Why is it that a handful of thugs and plunderers can commit unthinkable atrocities (and in the case of the GM executives, for scores of years) and when it’s time for their gravy train to crash under the weight of their gluttony and overwhelming stupidity, the force of the full federal government has no difficulty coming to their aid within days if not hours? Yet at the same time, the joke we call the American medical system, including the drug and insurance companies, are murdering tens of thousands of people a year and stealing from the corpses and victims they cripple, and this country’s leaders don’t see this as important as bailing out a few of their vile, rich cronies. Yet, the political “representatives” (thieves, liars, and self-serving scumbags is far more accurate) have endless time to sit around for year after year and debate the state of the “terrible health care problem”. It’s clear they see no crisis as long as the dead people don’t get in the way of their corporate profits rolling in.

And justice? You’ve got to be kidding!

How can any rational individual explain that white elephant conundrum in the middle of our tax system and, indeed, our entire legal system? Here we have a system that is, by far, too complicated for the brightest of the master scholars to understand. Yet, it mercilessly “holds accountable” its victims, claiming that they’re responsible for fully complying with laws not even the experts understand. The law “requires” a signature on the bottom of a tax filing; yet no one can say truthfully that they understand what they are signing; if that’s not “duress” than what is. If this is not the measure of a totalitarian regime, nothing is.

How did I get here?

My introduction to the real American nightmare starts back in the early ‘80s. Unfortunately after more than 16 years of school, somewhere along the line I picked up the absurd, pompous notion that I could read and understand plain English. Some friends introduced me to a group of people who were having ‘tax code’ readings and discussions. In particular, zeroed in on a section relating to the wonderful “exemptions” that make institutions like the vulgar, corrupt Catholic Church so incredibly wealthy. We carefully studied the law (with the help of some of the “best”, high-paid, experienced tax lawyers in the business), and then began to do exactly what the “big boys” were doing (except that we weren’t steeling from our congregation or lying to the government about our massive profits in the name of God). We took a great deal of care to make it all visible, following all of the rules, exactly the way the law said it was to be done.

The intent of this exercise and our efforts was to bring about a much-needed re-evaluation of the laws that allow the monsters of organized religion to make such a mockery of people who earn an honest living. However, this is where I learned that there are two “interpretations” for every law; one for the very rich, and one for the rest of us… Oh, and the monsters are the very ones making and enforcing the laws; the inquisition is still alive and well today in this country.

That little lesson in patriotism cost me $40,000+, 10 years of my life, and set my retirement plans back to 0. It made me realize for the first time that I live in a country with an ideology that is based on a total and complete lie. It also made me realize, not only how naive I had been, but also the incredible stupidity of the American public; that they buy, hook, line, and sinker, the crap about their “freedom”… and that they continue to do so with eyes closed in the face of overwhelming evidence and all that keeps happening in front of them.

Before even having to make a shaky recovery from the sting of the first lesson on what justice really means in this country (around 1984 after making my way through engineering school and still another five years of “paying my dues”), I felt I finally had to take a chance of launching my dream of becoming an independent engineer.

On the subjects of engineers and dreams of independence, I should digress somewhat to say that I’m sure that I inherited the fascination for creative problem solving from my father. I realized this at a very young age.

The significance of independence, however, came much later during my early years of college; at the age of 18 or 19 when I was living on my own as student in an apartment in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. My neighbor was an elderly retired woman (80+ seemed ancient to me at that age) who was the widowed wife of a retired steel worker. Her husband had worked all his life in the steel mills of central Pennsylvania with promises from big business and the union that, for his 30 years of service, he would have a pension and medical care to look forward to in his retirement. Instead he was one of the thousands who got nothing because the incompetent mill management and corrupt union (not to mention the government) raided their pension funds and stole their retirement. All she had was social security to live on.

In retrospect, the situation was laughable because here I was living on peanut butter and bread (or Ritz crackers when I could afford to splurge) for months at a time. When I got to know this poor figure and heard her story I felt worse for her plight than for my own (I, after all, I thought I had everything to in front of me). I was genuinely appalled at one point, as we exchanged stories and commiserated with each other over our situations, when she in her grandmotherly fashion tried to convince me that I would be “healthier” eating cat food (like her) rather than trying to get all my substance from peanut butter and bread. I couldn’t quite go there, but the impression was made. I decided that I didn’t trust big business to take care of me, and that I would take responsibility for my own future and myself.

Return to the early ‘80s, and here I was off to a terrifying start as a ‘wet-behind-the-ears’ contract software engineer… and two years later, thanks to the fine backroom, midnight effort by the sleazy executives of Arthur Andersen (the very same folks who later brought us Enron and other such calamities) and an equally sleazy New York Senator (Patrick Moynihan), we saw the passage of 1986 tax reform act with its section 1706.

For you who are unfamiliar, here is the core text of the IRS Section 1706, defining the treatment of workers (such as contract engineers) for tax purposes. Visit this link for a conference committee report (http://www.synergistech.com/1706.shtml#ConferenceCommitteeReport) regarding the intended interpretation of Section 1706 and the relevant parts of Section 530, as amended. For information on how these laws affect technical services workers and their clients, read our discussion here (http://www.synergistech.com/ic-taxlaw.shtml).

SEC. 1706. TREATMENT OF CERTAIN TECHNICAL PERSONNEL.

(a) IN GENERAL - Section 530 of the Revenue Act of 1978 is amended by adding at the end thereof the following new subsection:

(d) EXCEPTION. - This section shall not apply in the case of an individual who pursuant to an arrangement between the taxpayer and another person, provides services for such other person as an engineer, designer, drafter, computer programmer, systems analyst, or other similarly skilled worker engaged in a similar line of work.

(b) EFFECTIVE DATE. - The amendment made by this section shall apply to remuneration paid and services rendered after December 31, 1986.

Note:

· “another person” is the client in the traditional job-shop relationship.

· “taxpayer” is the recruiter, broker, agency, or job shop.

· “individual”, “employee”, or “worker” is you.

Admittedly, you need to read the treatment to understand what it is saying but it’s not very complicated. The bottom line is that they may as well have put my name right in the text of section (d). Moreover, they could only have been more blunt if they would have came out and directly declared me a criminal and non-citizen slave. Twenty years later, I still can’t believe my eyes.

During 1987, I spent close to $5000 of my ‘pocket change’, and at least 1000 hours of my time writing, printing, and mailing to any senator, congressman, governor, or slug that might listen; none did, and they universally treated me as if I was wasting their time. I spent countless hours on the L.A. freeways driving to meetings and any and all of the disorganized professional groups who were attempting to mount a campaign against this atrocity. This, only to discover that our efforts were being easily derailed by a few moles from the brokers who were just beginning to enjoy the windfall from the new declaration of their “freedom”. Oh, and don’t forget, for all of the time I was spending on this, I was loosing income that I couldn’t bill clients.

After months of struggling it had clearly gotten to be a futile exercise. The best we could get for all of our trouble is a pronouncement from an IRS mouthpiece that they weren’t going to enforce that provision (read harass engineers and scientists). This immediately proved to be a lie, and the mere existence of the regulation began to have its impact on my bottom line; this, of course, was the intended effect.

Again, rewind my retirement plans back to 0 and shift them into idle. If I had any sense, I clearly should have left abandoned engineering and never looked back.

Instead I got busy working 100-hour workweeks. Then came the L.A. depression of the early 1990s. Our leaders decided that they didn’t need the all of those extra Air Force bases they had in Southern California, so they were closed; just like that. The result was economic devastation in the region that rivaled the widely publicized Texas S&L fiasco. However, because the government caused it, no one gave a shit about all of the young families who lost their homes or street after street of boarded up houses abandoned to the wealthy loan companies who received government funds to “shore up” their windfall. Again, I lost my retirement.

Years later, after weathering a divorce and the constant struggle trying to build some momentum with my business, I find myself once again beginning to finally pick up some speed. Then came the .COM bust and the 911 nightmare. Our leaders decided that all aircraft were grounded for what seemed like an eternity; and long after that, ‘special’ facilities like San Francisco were on security alert for months. This made access to my customers prohibitively expensive. Ironically, after what they had done the Government came to the aid of the airlines with billions of our tax dollars … as usual they left me to rot and die while they bailed out their rich, incompetent cronies WITH MY MONEY! After these events, there went my business but not quite yet all of my retirement and savings.

By this time, I’m thinking that it might be good for a change. Bye to California, I’ll try Austin for a while. So I moved, only to find out that this is a place with a highly inflated sense of self-importance and where damn little real engineering work is done. I’ve never experienced such a hard time finding work. The rates are 1/3 of what I was earning before the crash, because pay rates here are fixed by the three or four large companies in the area who are in collusion to drive down prices and wages… and this happens because the justice department is all on the take and doesn’t give a fuck about serving anyone or anything but themselves and their rich buddies.

To survive, I was forced to cannibalize my savings and retirement, the last of which was a small IRA. This came in a year with mammoth expenses and not a single dollar of income. I filed no return that year thinking that because I didn’t have any income there was no need. The sleazy government decided that they disagreed. But they didn’t notify me in time for me to launch a legal objection so when I attempted to get a protest filed with the court I was told I was no longer entitled to due process because the time to file ran out. Bend over for another $10,000 helping of justice.

So now we come to the present. After my experience with the CPA world, following the business crash I swore that I’d never enter another accountant’s office again. But here I am with a new marriage and a boatload of undocumented income, not to mention an expensive new business asset, a piano, which I had no idea how to handle. After considerable thought I decided that it would be irresponsible NOT to get professional help; a very big mistake.

When we received the forms back I was very optimistic that they were in order. I had taken all of the years information to XXXX XXXX, and he came back with results very similar to what I was expecting. Except that he had neglected to include the contents of Sheryl’s unreported income; $12,700 worth of it. To make matters worse, XXXX knew all along this was missing and I didn’t have a clue until he pointed it out in the middle of the audit. By that time it had become brutally evident that he was representing himself and not me.

This left me stuck in the middle of this disaster trying to defend transactions that have no relationship to anything tax-related (at least the tax-related transactions were poorly documented). Things I never knew anything about and things my wife had no clue would ever matter to anyone. The end result is… well, just look around.

I remember reading about the stock market crash before the “great” depression and how there were wealthy bankers and businessmen jumping out of windows when they realized they screwed up and lost everything. Isn’t it ironic how far we’ve come in 60 years in this country that they now know how to fix that little economic problem; they just steal from the middle class (who doesn’t have any say in it, elections are a joke) to cover their asses and it’s “business-as-usual”. Now when the wealthy fuck up, the poor get to die for the mistakes… isn’t that a clever, tidy solution.

As government agencies go, the FAA is often justifiably referred to as a tombstone agency, though they are hardly alone. The recent presidential puppet GW Bush and his cronies in their eight years certainly reinforced for all of us that this criticism rings equally true for all of the government. Nothing changes unless there is a body count (unless it is in the interest of the wealthy sows at the government trough). In a government full of hypocrites from top to bottom, life is as cheap as their lies and their self-serving laws.

I know I’m hardly the first one to decide I have had all I can stand. It has always been a myth that people have stopped dying for their freedom in this country, and it isn’t limited to the blacks, and poor immigrants. I know there have been countless before me and there are sure to be as many after. But I also know that by not adding my body to the count, I insure nothing will change. I choose to not keep looking over my shoulder at “big brother” while he strips my carcass, I choose not to ignore what is going on all around me, I choose not to pretend that business as usual won’t continue; I have just had enough.

I can only hope that the numbers quickly get too big to be white washed and ignored that the American zombies wake up and revolt; it will take nothing less. I would only hope that by striking a nerve that stimulates the inevitable double standard, knee-jerk government reaction that results in more stupid draconian restrictions people wake up and begin to see the pompous political thugs and their mindless minions for what they are. Sadly, though I spent my entire life trying to believe it wasn’t so, but violence not only is the answer, it is the only answer. The cruel joke is that the really big chunks of shit at the top have known this all along and have been laughing, at and using this awareness against, fools like me all along.

I saw it written once that the definition of insanity is repeating the same process over and over and expecting the outcome to suddenly be different. I am finally ready to stop this insanity. Well, Mr. Big Brother IRS man, let’s try something different; take my pound of flesh and sleep well.

The communist creed: From each according to his ability, to each according to his need.

The capitalist creed: From each according to his gullibility, to each according to his greed.

Joe Stack (1956-2010)

02/18/2010

Part of what makes me a professional developer, in my opinion, is the fact that I always make it a point to learn and evolve. When what I knew and was certain of yesterday becomes intertwined with some new thing I learn today, great things happen and my understandings and persepectives change. Recently, that very thing occurred regarding my mindset on how to approach any new development project, so I thought I would share the experience and the results.

First, Some Definitions

(User) Interface-Driven Architecture  (aka IDA, care of Mr. Clark Valberg, esquire :) )

(User) Interface-Driven Architecture means that the first thing I do is create a visual, hopefully somewhat interactive prototype of what my finished product will be; I build a mockup of the GUI that demonstrates and represents the functionality of the app as seen from an end user's perspective. At this time, I don't even think about the code that will power the app (at least I try hard not to), but rather focus on the end results. Once the prototype is approved by the client, it is then reverse engineered by the architect and transformed into a living, breathing application.

Model Driven Development

Model Driven Development takes an opposite approach. Forcing yourself to not even consider what the user interface might look like or how it might behave, you architect the application's model based solely on use cases, static class diagrams, and whatever other artifacts you have been given that describe what goals the app will accomplish.You remove yourself so far from the user interface, in fact, that you architect your classes in such a way that ANY user interface could consume your API and all scenarios, present and potential, would be covered.

A Little History

My earlier development years were spent coding mostly by instinct, as I had no formal training on the subject, no mentor whom I desired to emulate, and nobody telling me how they wanted me to do it. So, depending on the project and what kind of direction had been given me, I would often find myself starting a project in different places. If I had been given a clear scope of the functionality the app was to provide, I would typically begin by designing a relational database schema to accommodate that scope. If someone had drawn me a picture on a napkin and handed it to me telling me to "build this", I'd start with an html GUI that simulated functionality so that I could make sure the vision of the requester was the same as mine. And if I was left to my own devices as to how I would approach development, then it just depended on whether or not I was in the mood to design a database or write code as to which I did first.

The next natural step in my personal evolution was to attempt to leave chaos behind and adopt standards and methodologies to allow me to be more efficient and DRY. This abandonment of solely using instinct as a methodology (which actually didn't work too badly for me) occurred when CF 7 was about 6 months old. At this point I began listening to the OO buzz, attending conferences, opening my mind to ideas and concepts that were new to me, and leveraging CFCs and frameworks; all in an effort to apply rhyme and reason to my approach to development. Even so, there was still no clear starting point; every project began differently.

So, about two years ago, I settled on the fact that (User) Interface-Driven Architecture was THE way to go. By designing the customer-approved, semi-functioning GUI first, I could avoid the developer's most arch nemesis, Scope Creep, and ensure that both the customer and myself both had the exact same end result in mind. It makes perfect sense, right? It does indeed. But, does it always? This is where my road forks.

For the past six months, our local RIA user group has been building a media player as a group using AS3. The group manager is basically leading the sessions, as he is a seasoned AS3 architect, and it has been within these sessions that I have come to see and appreciate the value and application of the Model-driven approach. It all gelled for me during our most recent session when one of the attendees who was having some difficulty following the abstractness of the classes and their relationships raised his hand and asked that we stop working on the model and build the GUI that would consume it. For him, seeing the GUI would help him assimilate all of the model pieces we had been writing for the past several months. The group manager then took a moment to expound upon why he thought it good to purposefully NOT create the GUI. In a nutshell, creating the model with the GUI in mind would cause us to design a backend that would be limited to only what the GUI needed and would hinder our creativity as we thought out the specifics of our model's behavior, organization, and flexibility.

The two poles of my thinking collided at that moment, and out of the momentary synapsial confusion that followed emerged the same two ideas, intact. This time, however, rather than me viewing them as opposing ideas where only one could rule, I saw them as inverse to one another, yet equal in their relevance and application. Which one ruled, then, depended entirely upon the circumstances and goals of the specific project at hand.

(User) Interface-Driven Architecture evolved in response to the need to help clients answer the one question they have such a hard time with: "What is it that I really want?", and it is in this context where this approach rules. With a visual, interactive interface in place at the beginning of the project, there is little room for unplanned scope creep to stall or even derail a project's progress. If the goal then of the project is to "build this customer exactly what he wants", then this is definitely the approach I would go with, hands down.

In the opposite universe, there are times when the goal of the project is to produce something more of an enterprise nature that must be able to expand and contract, bear dynamic loads, and present a consumable API to third parties of unknown origin. This scenario then clearly shines the spotlight on the architecture of the model. Although the user interface always matters, if we were to design it first and then attempt to build a model that accommodated only its needs, we would in many senses be forcing ourselves to think inside of the box that the GUI built around us, and thus likely end up with a product  much less robust than it could have and should have been. For a project such as this, then, I say that the Model-driven approach is the way to go, hands down.

Of course, I'm always learning and evolving, and one day in the future I may have a completely new perspective on application architecture. It never hurts, though, to share your epiphanies along the way; you never know what will be produced when your epiphany collides with someone else's universe.

Keep evolving, my friends.

This blog post began as a simple comment to Ray's blog post "Are We Falling Behind", but darn him, he moved me such that it turned into multiple paragraphs!

So, here's the commentary that the afore mentioned post and the thoughts of all its commenters evoked from me.

In My Beginning, There Was Procedural

In 2004 MX6 made a leap in evolution that opened the doors many native OOers had been waiting for, and they began to weave all sorts of new and strange CF tapestries. At that time, all of my CF coworkers were buzzing about "MVC", all the time, constantly; it was SO annoying! I was coding as I always had and didn't see any gaps in my ability to produce good stuff; I'd never used a CFC before and had no intention of starting at that time. That, coupled with the fact that I unequivocably tend to ALWAYS be wary of whatever direction the herd is heading (I've read about those caveman bison hunts!), kept me perfectly content just as I was. Fast forward to 2006. What was a buzz is now a dull roar. Fusebox has taken a quantum leap. Model-Glue, Reactor, Mach II, Coldspring...they are now incarnate and catching plenty of attention. My job at that time had me maintaining legacy code, so I spent my days tracing variables through myriads of includes, trying to find their origins...nothing that involved any new dev, for the most part. Then the directive came down to rebuild all this legacy spaghetti. Myself and two other team members were mandated to recreate this app, in a fashion that would allow it to be easily configurable, easily connect to multiple database backends, easily support multiple clients and THEIR clients, be easily skinnable, and have certain aspects of it be consumable as web services by corporate and other satellite offices. It was at that point that the ton of bricks fell and I knew that it would be a very bad idea to try and weave this masterpiece from scratch, so the team and I decided that "frameworks it would be".

At The Crossroads

Ah, but which framework should we choose? None of us had any experience with any of them; we had only read blog posts and accumulated rough ideas, foggy understandings, and enough theory to fuel lunch time discussions. To decide the matter, we architected out a small application with basic security and crud, and we built that app with each of the frameworks we were considering. What that accomplished was to solidify the vague understandings we had, and it let us find the framework that most suited our own personal development style (terminology, syntax, organization, etc.). Since that first app in Model-Glue, I have written several more using that framework and some others; but I have also written a decent number strictly "plain vanilla", simply because their scope was smaller than the problem a framework addresses. The beauty of things now, though, is: I have a choice.

I have to make a confession: the directive to build an enterprise-size app was not my only motivation to learn the frameworks; that was just my paid opportunity to do so. My stronger, deeper, and truer motivation at that time was that dull incessant roar I mentioned, the one that was always in my ear and eventually DID manage to make me feel like I was being left behind, professionally. Was I, or was it perception only? Well, if in my future job quests I continually find that I am unqualified for the position due to my lack of specific CF skills, despite the fact that I've been using CF for a decade or more, then I would have to say that yes, I WAS left behind. If I'm well able to procure suitable employment without having added that knowledge to my quiver, then no, I was not left behind. I don't have a good enough feel for the pulse of the CF job market to know which it truly is, nor am I any sort of prognosticator on this matter, but I DO know that I have absolutely zero regrets having invested the time in stretching my brain to accommodate both the old AND the new.

Change IS Scary, But Possible

Making the leap to this strange new world is daunting, without a doubt, and anybody who tries to tell you otherwise is doing that smoke-blowing thing. My own leap was still recent enough for me that I remember the doubts, frustrations, and pain of persistently banging my head against this apparent brick wall. But eventually, with enough experimentation, reading, experimentation and reading, it DID sink in! There was no shortcuts over that mountain, so I just took that first grip and pulled until I could reach the next one. As I learned things I blogged about them, leaving behind what understandings I'd gleaned in hopes that those following me could gain an easier foothold. But the simple truth with this is, as with every other thing in life that's worthwhile: if you want it, you can get it, but to get it, it is gonna cost you something. Accept this gauntlet, then take off running. I guarantee you, it is impossible to fail to learn OO in a CF context if you determine in yourself that you are going to do it. There's just too many people who have gone before you, no smarter than you are, who have managed to accomplish it; there's just too many fellow CFers who are able and willing to assist you along the way. You can't fail at this, should you choose to do it.

Opting Out: Is It An Option?

But what if you should choose NOT to do it? Let me preface the rest of this by saying that I do indeed love all my fellow CF developers equally, and I'd love to drink a pint with each and every one of you. But, just speaking from my gut, I believe that if you are not in a constant state of professional growth, which includes frameworks and OO methodologies, you will minimally eventually find yourself to be part of a CF minority, if not already. And I do believe that that minority will find itself at the lower end of a continually expanding income gap between those who made the time for this particular vein of professional self-improvement and those who did not.

I'm not condemning anybody for something they do not know (Lawd knows there's PLENTY that I don't know!), but what I am doing is encouraging one and all to take/make the time to get more than just an arm chair knowledge of what is happening all around you in the CF world; acknowledge that ever increasing dull roar of OO that you can't help but hear, and (in this case only), take a sip of this kool-aid. You will never regret knowing more tomorrow than you do today.

Doug out :0)

Just before completing the process of moving into my wife and I's new home, I did a blog post covering what I consider to be a lot of good tips, info, and ideas. Now that we've been in the home for a full week, there are a few more things regarding this process I'd like to share as well.

If you haven't read the first or second posts on this subject, you should do that now and then come back (link provided back to this post in the second post).

Your Home Is An Investment. Period.

It's VERY important that you don't allow the glamor and romance (which is definitely there and should be enjoyed) get in the way of you viewing your new home as an investment. Unless you are of retirement age and/or are so content with this purchase that you plan on having your ashes put on the mantle place, you must view this as merely a seven year stepping stone towards the home that you really want to live in for the rest of your life. With that in mind, here are some things that my wife and I did that I know will help our home stand out among others that will be for sale seven years from now when we're ready to build the dream mansion.

Upgrade, Upgrade, Upgrade

Centex/Pulte offers a lot of different upgrades. Upgrades cost money, for sure, and the last time I had a home built, I didn't take advantage of these options. But, I'm telling you now that you should take almost every single upgrade that you can possibly afford. With our deal, part of the incentives was almost $6,000 of free upgrades, and we spent every penny and then some. Don't worry, the extra money you spend will be part of the sale price and not have to come out of your pocket, so DO spend it! Get the top of the line appliances (we got all stainless steel); get the top of the line carpet and pad; get every possible light fixture set up for ceiling fans; add extra cable and phone jacks anywhere they might possibly come in handy for someone; take all the tile you can get (bathrooms, etc.), UNLESS you plan (as we did) on ripping out the entire downstairs flooring and having it custom tiled the day you get the keys; get the largest AC unit they offer, with heat pump; get pre-wired for the alarm and garage door opener, and get pre-plumbed for a water conditioner; take the stoned in fireplace!; take the masonry on the outside of the home; if there's a lot with trees, take that one!; and any other upgrade they have that your gut tells you will appeal to potential buyers in the future. If you have to, in order to afford the upgrades, downsize the model that you are choosing and take one with a few hundred less square feet, just so you can afford the upgrades.

Make plans well ahead of time on what modifications you're going to do once you have the keys in your hand. My wife and I already knew that we were for sure going to have the entire downstairs tiled, as well as the upstairs bathrooms, with ornamental inserts put in in a decorative pattern. So, we bought the tile months ahead of time when it was on sale, and had the tiler lined up several weeks before we closed. The money we were saving up had the tiling budgeted in, so we had it all arranged to give the tiler the key the same day that we received it. All went VERY well, and now we have flooring that nobody else does!

We also contacted several water conditioning companies and had them give us bids, as well as a company to install the garage door opener and one to do the alarm system. so within less than a week after we moved in, we had all of these things taken care of. Why the rush? Because we're human, and humans tend to think that they'll eventually get to it "very soon". The problem is that so very often "soon" never comes, so we MADE ourselves do it right away. Definitely no regrets here.

Hire a Mover
If you're like my wife and I, you've probably moved about a hundred times in your life already, at least. And I bet I can safely say that not one of those moves was probably enjoyable to you. It always involves rounding up whatever friends you can, renting a UHaul, and lots and lots and lots of "making like an ant", and carrying things back and forth, back and forth. Well, neither of us had any intention of going through THAT again, and so we got a quote from a moving company and budgeted it in to our savings. To give us maximum affordability, we also started literally two months ahead of time packing things into boxes and moving them into the room nearest the front door. The front room became our storage room, and as the weeks passed that room became filled with furniture and boxes stacked from floor to ceiling. Why? Because movers charge by the hour, and the easier we could make it for them to pack it up, the less time it took. Additionally, we decided that a new house should equal a brand new start, and we sold a LOT of the big stuff. Two queen size beds, one of the kids' beds, a couch and loveseat, a kitchen table...sold them all. We went through our house at least three times and put usable items out on the sidewalk for people to take; and they did! We purged ourselves of everything that wasn't absolutely necessary and/or that we didn't feel would be a good fit for the new house. By doing this, we managed to move a four bedroom, 2500 sq foot home into a 3 bedroom, 2100 sq foot home at a total cost of $540, including a $90 tip for the guys! It was WELL worth it, let me tell you!

Getting Your Deposit Back
Historically, NOBODY gets their full deposit back when moving from a rental, and most don't even get half of it back. Well, my wife and I got ALL of our deposit back, PLUS an additional $60! Essentially, the plan here is to do what your momma always preached to you: "keep up instead of catch up". When my wife and I moved in to our rental, our mantra that we always preached and practiced with ourselves and all 13 of our kids (yes, 13) was: "Keep the house landlord-ready at all times!". What this meant was that we took preventative actions, such as laying a long strip of cheap hallway plastic down in the high traffic areas from day 1. We also kept on top of the kids about keeping their personal spaces neat, correcting them whenever we saw them rubbing hands on walls and the like, and we enacted the rule from day one that no shoes would ever be worn in the house. By maintaining a mindset of keeping the house in a state that, if the landlord were to show up he would not be displeased with us, we had very little to do by way of repairs and the like when it came time to move out.

Because we really really wanted to get our deposit back, and we knew that we had been maintaining the house as if it were our own, we also did this: we called the landlord when we gave him our 30 day notice and asked him outright, 'what do we have to do to the house in order to get our deposit back?'. His answer was, 'take out the checklist we made when you first moved in that noted any issues with the home, and make sure that there's nothing additionally wrong with it'. Simple enough! So, we did. We spent ten bucks on a gallon of paint that matched the wall colors, bought two small sponge rollers, and we spot painted the house in areas of high wall to hand traffic. We removed staples from the girls' posters and put putty into every single staple hole we could find; we hired two young lady friends of ours for $125 to come in after us and clean the house from top to bottom; and we made sure the yard was cleaned up and groomed. By doing this, our landlord was more than pleased at our final walk through, complimented us on having been really great tenants, and handed us back our deposit, in full. Oh, but I said we got an extra $60, didn't I? The extra money came by way of improvements we made to the home and left for the next tenants. I simply prorated the value of those improvements (ceiling fans, a small brick outdoor fireplace patio, a garden box that we built) and asked him to buy them from me at their current value, which he gladly did. It was my first rewarding experience as a renter, but it wasn't luck of the draw, it was because my wife and I had been proactive from the beginning, always thinking ahead and knowing that we would one day be moving out.

Buying Appliances
Our new home came with all appliances except for one: the refrigerator. Now, the existing applicances I mentioned we had upgraded to the stainless steel ones, so we needed a refrigerator that would match. My wife being the most passionate about refrigerators, she had her heart set on one that was in the $2000 range. Since this is a new house, and since we will probably be leaving the fridge behind as a selling point, we decided we'd spring for it out of the money we had saved for this purchase. We shopped around, and it was when we got to Lowes (in The Rim shopping center off of IH 10 near the 1604 intersection) that we decided this was the place to buy it. The salesman there was just amazing. His name was JP, and the fridge my wife wanted was actually about $500 more than our budget allowed. JP being the awesome man of integrity that he is, told us that he would go ahead and give us a ten percent discount right off the top, AND that this same fridge would be going on sale next week for an additional ten percent off. If we bought it, he said that he'd call us next week and we could get the additional ten percent off as well. This total of twenty percent off put the refrigerator exactly within our budget! To make things even better and give us a little more breathing room, JP had us apply for a Lowe's card to put the purchase on. We applied, holding our breath (because I have an ex spouse who after several years has STILL not refinanced my old house in just her name, so every time SHE makes a late payment it goes on my credit!). In a few minutes the nice young lady at the service desk whom JP had introduced us to had us a card with the whole purchase put on it at twelve months no payments and no interest. She said the system had said that we had only qualified for a few hundred dollars, but she managed to get it up to $2600! THAT lady (and JP) are definitely being invited to our house warming party next month! So, we got the exact fridge we wanted and didn't have to spend a dime. They delivered it the next day and we simply adore it.      P.S. JP DID call me the following Thursday to tell me he hadn't forgotten, and that he had already taken off the additional ten percent from our Lowe's card. If you're shopping for appliances in the San Antonio area, hit Lowe's at The Rim and ask for JP!

The New Lawn

Here in south Texas, there really isn't a lot of dirt to speak of; in fact, the substance that our foundation was poured onto was a lot more like cement than any kind of earth. This is a good thing for the foundation; bad for any kind of plant that isn't native to this area. So, one thing that my wife and I did was to sneak in one day during lunch, just after the topsoil for our lawn was spread, but before they actually laid the sod. We picked up a $50 bag of lawn fertilizer and a couple of spreaders from Home Depot and fertilized the soil pretty thoroughly. I can't say for a fact that it made a difference (maybe they just gave us great sod), but I can tell you that our sod took off incredibly fast compared to the neighbors and is now, three weeks after being laid, thick and green. I recommend that you give the same kind of pre-treatment to your new lawn as well.

That's all the tips and info I can think of right now, but if I think of anything else I'll be sure and append them to this post. If you have any questions or need any input whatsoever, don't hesitate to shoot me an email via the link at the top right of this page!

Doug out. :0)

I was chatting with a buddy of mine today about an issue he had encountered when passing a list of numbers into a cfargument whose type was set to "numeric" (CF 8). For whatever reason, he could pass in the string "1,6,7" and it would actually validate as a numeric value. When passing in a fourth number, such as "1,6,7,9", it threw an error based on the argument type, which it rightfully should have done when being passed "1,6,7".

To try and narrow down the reason behind this behavior I whipped up a quickie function to test with. Here's the code:

Here's the results:

I tried many more combinations of numbers as well, and couldn't see any common denominators nor figure out what might be going on under the covers. Just thought I'd share this in case anybody had some input that might explain such behavior.

(I shared more details prior to this post in a previous post)

Tomorrow morning at 9 am, my wife and I go to close on our new home. Just to make sure we come prepared, we called the builder today to find out what the specific amount of closing costs would be. To our surprise, I was told that the only thing we needed to bring with us is a picture ID, and in fact, we would be receiving money from them. That's right, we get money back. In a nutshell then, what has occurred is that my wife and I put $500 down on a $178,000 home which was built for us from the ground up, and when we sign the papers tomorrow to take the keys and move in, they are handing us back almost $300. No down payment, no closing costs out of pocket, and out a total of only $200 that we spent. Oh, and they gave us a 5.3% interest rate. America (and Centex), you totally rock.

You Can Do It Too!

Some of the details, in case anybody would like to duplicate what has been a very rewarding and satisfying home buyer's experience for my wife and I...

First of all, you really need to get yourself to Texas just as fast as you can (seriously), especially the San Antonio area. Real estate prices are some of the best (if not THE best) in the country, the winters are pretty mild, the people and culture are great, jobs are in decent supply, and the cost of living is quite tolerable. Secondly, find yourself the nearest Pulte or Centex subdivision where building is still going on and walk into the sales office. They'll take it from there. My wife and I, on a whim, stopped in on a Saturday and by end of day Sunday had all of our options and amenities picked out and our new home process had begun. Now a mere 5 months later, we're moving in to our brand new home.

A few fun facts

Incentives

Centex (and probably most home builders) will very often have a wide variety of incentives designed to, well, give you incentive to buy :) . They change all the time though, and from one weekend to the next may be completely different. Make sure when you walk in that you ask about available incentives, because depending on what's most important to you, certain ones may appeal more than others. For instance, my wife and I are looking at buying a new home almost exclusively as an investment of our money and resources. So, knowing that we are going to sell in 5 to 7 years from now, we wanted to include everything possible that will make the home stand out and be more appealing to potential buyers. Centex just happened to have (that particular weekend) three lots that had a $5,000 dollar upgrade incentive, meaning that if we chose to build on one of those, we could select up to $5,000 worth of upgrades without upping the purchase price! So, we added that fireplace, and we upgraded that AC unit, etc.. Make sure you ask about upcoming incentives, too. The sales people usually have heard what's coming down the pipe, so if a more appealing incentive will be in place next weekend, you may want to wait till then to make a decision on which lot to build on.

VA Benefit

If you've spent any time in the military, then you can use your VA home buyers benefit during the purchase. In a nutshell what this does for you is allow you to not have to put any money down towards the purchase. It doesn't necessarily mean there won't be any closing costs (money paid to the title company for doing their paperwork, etc.), but it does mean you won't have to come up with a giant chunk of cash if you don't want to. Oh, and it used to be that a VA benefit could only be used towards ONE home. Not anymore. Now they pro-rate it, and your certificate is worth a certain amount. I'm not sure what that amount is, I believe they said 300k. So, if I use it to buy a home worth 85K, I still have 215K worth of certificate left to use towards another home! That's exactly what we did, too. If you're young and reading this, you should seriously consider giving 4 years of your life to the guvment. You'll have a steady job for 4 years with all benefits and probably some travel, and when you get out you'll be able to pay for your education AND your first home. It's a pretty sweet deal.

HUD

If you don't have VA home buyer's benefits, you will also want to know this little tidbit: if you get financed through the HUD program, you will only be required to come up with 3% down payment, and NOT the 10% or more that we typically think we do. That's a HUGE difference, and it can make a purchase completely do-able when going through the builder for financing instead of an "on the street" lending institution. So, whereas that $180,000 dollar dream home may have been out of your range due to having to come up with $18,000 as a down payment, through HUD you'd only have to save up $5,400! Still a lot of money for someone on a budget, but MUCH more achievable!

Realtors

Another tip: use a realtor. Even when buying from a builder, you are still entitled to a realtor. Cool thing about that: the builder pays the realtor's fees, not you. Don't ask me why, I have no clue, but nothing comes out of your pocket to compensate the realtor. Their primary job in this is to just act as a second set of educated eyes and ears on your behalf, making sure nothing gets overlooked and that you understand the process as it happens.

Credit

Credit. Most of us really hate that subject, but unfortunately it's a fact of life we have to live with. The good news is that Centex/Pulte are not robots like so many other institutions, and will actually evaluate items on your credit report to determine their validity. For instance, I am still legally bound to the first home I bought over ten years ago which my ex spouse got in the divorce, so every time she makes a late payment, it shows up on my credit. All I had to do was provide proof that the home was no longer mine, and the Centex underwriter didn't count it against me.

A year and a half prior to beginning the home buying process, I did what has turned out to be a very wise thing, and invested $400 with a local credit repair company to get my report cleaned up. They were totally awesome and their work in combination with me being fiscally responsible for the past couple of years has resulted in a credit score in the low 700s! Something I have NEVER had in my whole life. You really do want to reap the rewards of decent credit, so I highly recommend finding and using a reputable credit repair company to give that process a boost...it has really paid off for me.

Conclusion

When I share my home buying experience with some people, I'm often amazed at how DISinterested they are. I think it has a lot to do with their age, as the younger among us (physically or mentally) tend to think of buying a home as the equivalent of taking a spouse: some kind of life long commitment that they just aren't ready to make. But au contraire, buying a home is nothing but an investment of your hard earned money, a place to put it where it can grow and become much more than it would sitting in a bank account. You have to pay to live somewhere, right? You might as well pay yourself! If you don't, you are without a doubt giving your money to someone else so that THEY can reap the rewards of YOUR money. Exactly...that makes zero sense except in only a few circumstances. Buying a house doesn't mean you HAVE to live in it, either. You can always rent it out, or sell it. Of course you can't force it to sell, so the possibility exists that you may be stuck making the payment when you really didn't want to, but if you're willing to at least commit to living in the same city for 5 to 7 years, you should put your money into your own home.

All in all, the experience of buying a home through Centex (now Pulte) has been absolutely incredible, and I couldn't have wished for it to have been more pleasant. They treat you truly like a valued customer every step of the way.

Post number 2 on this subject! "Post-Closing" :)

I have spent the majority of today shopping around for medical benefits for myself and my family. Only it wasn't very much like shopping; not at all. It was more like going through a divorce, or a death, or some other traumatic event that causes the rest of life to be put on hold while you do lots of typing, talking, researching, worrying, counseling, fretting, waiting anxiously, and spending money you didn't have to begin with.

Some of the other "required" industries (those things that everybody needs and has to have) have figured out how to actually be a positive experience in people's lives, like (in my opinion), the real estate, auto, and shopping industries. But the healthcare industry as it exists today...they know that you need them and therefore aren't all that concerned with simplifying the process or making it a pleasant experience anywhere along the way. Simply applying for benefits can nearly bring a person to tears. They scrutinize every aspect of your life and make summary judgments and assumptions about your future health, demand their giant premiums UP FRONT before they'll even CONSIDER approving you (don't worry! If you're denied, they'll return them to you as soon as they've earned a wee bit of interest off of your money!), and arbitrarily DENY you benefits on what I consider to be a discriminatory basis.

Take Assurant Health for instance ( NYSE:AIZ). Today I called them up to ask their help choosing a medical benefits plan that was right for my family and I. I spoke with a nice gentleman named Brian who graciously offered to walk me through the process. So he begins asking me the usual questions about mine and my wife's height and weight, our tobacco usage, and then about my dependents. My oldest son is 24 and autistic. I had the understanding that any dependent over the age of 18 had to have a good reason for being covered under my benefits, so I voluntarily told Brian that Joshua was autistic. There was a brief pause, and then a somber "oh no" that suddenly had me a bit worried. "What kind of autism is it?", Brian asked me, "can you tell me more about it?". Knowing full well that autism has no connection whatsoever with physical health, I volunteered "well, he's non-verbal". Before I could give him any more detail whatsoever Brian told me that I had been summarily judged and that Assurant would not be able to offer me medical benefits for my son. "But, we can proceed with adding your other dependents if you would like", he gleefully added. I had to laugh, and asked Brian to please help me understand the correlation that Assurant Health (NYSE:AIZ)had made between AUTISM and PHYSICAL HEALTH.  He stammered a lot, and like most under-paid customer service reps do, retreated to the safety of his pre-written script, chanting it like a mantra in response to each of the analogies I drew and asked him to enlighten me about. In a nutshell, he hadn't a clue, nor was he ever once regretful, but staunchly stood his ground and told me repeatedly, "the Assurant Health (NYSE:AIZ)underwriters will not approve dependents with autism".

Let me tell you, my son Joshua is as healthy as a horse, and among all his siblings doesn't get sick any more and probably even less. He's non-verbal, yes, but not one time in his 24 years on earth has that ever equated to an increased risk of contracting influenza, heart disease, cancer, or any other condition that would require tight fisted Assurant Health to outlay cash unecessarily. In a word, Assurant Health is blatantly discriminating against my son, and how can that be permitted in today's society? I wouldn't then be surprised at all if some of the screening questions Brian had not gotten to had to do with my family's eye color, hair styles, or preferred sock heights, as perhaps they may have managed to also draw correlations between THOSE unrelated facts and their risk of having to pay on a claim! Assurant Health, congratulations, you have joined the ranks of those corporations whom I consider to be guided and directed by individuals with a much less than average IQ, and I do not intend to stop calling you out publicly in every forum I have access to until you put an end to your corporate-supported discrimination. On my side is the fact that you are a publicly traded company, and I believe and hope that your "owners" will see my point of view and empathize completely.

Back to my original theme, though, then there's the whole process of actually trying to USE the benefits you pay so mightily for. Making your visit to the doctor, supplying your benefit card only to receive a bill for amounts that should have been taken care of by your provider, only they decided to judge the item "out of scope" and defer it back to you to pay. After taking precious time out of your life to show them obvious facts from their OWN POLICY, they concede that it's their responsibility and eventually pay it. In the meantime, your credit suffers while their slow motion bureaucratic gears leisurely fulfill the obligation you paid them to. Bah.

I'm very frustrated right now, completely drained mentally, and am out $468 while I wait to find out if the mildly retarded underwriter sitting comfortably in their air conditioned office at one of these monolithic conglomerates will be merciful enough to accept me into their broken system and add me to the masses who posess what amounts almost to vaporous benefits. In terms of monetary costs, costs in time, and pain and mental suffering, I do believe I'd almost be happier investing the time getting a degree in homeopathy and just leaving the whole Gordian mess behind. Unfortunately, on occasion I do need the medical expertise that exists out there, and since it's priced way beyond the reach of the average family, I have very few choices in the matter, as do we all.

I guess I have no solutions to offer, I just want to immortalize the discriminatory actions of good ol' Assurant Health against my autistic son, and to vent with the rest of my good citizens who I know are having to endure the same frustrations as myself. I do not believe that we should just accept it all because "that's the way it's always been", nor should we learn to be okay with it simply because it appears that we have no choices. Systems, like little children, will live up to the expectations placed upon them. Sometimes it takes a long time, but change can happen if enough people are consistent in the pressure they apply and the stands they take.

UPDATE

It's been about three weeks now since my highly unpleasant encounter with Assurant Health, whom I consider to be nothing short of blatantly discriminatory. I thought I'd let my readers know that I DID find a healthcare provider who was more than willing to insure my autistic son, no questions asked. In fact, it wasn't that hard to find...seems Assurant Health hasn't managed to infect all of the rest of the health care industry with their discriminatory practices after all. I hope that others like myself who have found themselves under Assurant's prejudiced magnifying glass will speak out and spread the word. Perhaps a little fiscal pressure may get them to reconsider what they're doing with regards to our autistic citizens. If not, then I hope perhaps public awareness will caluse them to slowly drown in red ink as their true nature is manifested and investors see them for what they are: purveyors of prejudice.

I also notice (from reviewing my site's activity logs) that Assurant Health themselves have been visiting this blog post, from their Minnesota and Milwaukee offices. Keywords they used to find my post were very specific, using phrases such as "Assurant Health denies autistic", and "assurant health autistic brian". Good. I hope they continue to spread the word around their virtual office. Perhaps whatever semblance of humanity resides within their managerial hierarchy will take it upon themselves to actually back me and suggest that perhaps equating non-physical handicaps with the potential of physical ailments is indeed absurd and discriminatory. Besides that, adding to a person's already stressful burden of shopping for health benefits should be something a company strives NOT to do, shouldn't it? Assurant made it clear to me and therefore the entire nation that they do NOT care what we think, and if we don't like being grilled and pressed and summarily judged, then we can just take our sorry arses right on down the street. 

Keep on reading, Assurant, cause I'm surely not going to stop writing.  

Health Benefits and the costs thereof. I won't even pretend to be anal enough to have managed to have wrapped my head around the unnecessarily over-complicated subject of health benefits, but I did just go through an experience regarding that topic that I feel is worthy of sharing.

The Scenario
I am the non-custodial parent of several children for which I provide support and medical benefits. Since my ex spouse had the children covered under her plan at work, I opted not to purchase benefits through my present employer in order to save several hundred dollars a month. Well, the Texas Attorney General's child support branch recently mandated me to procure health benefits for my children, despite the fact that I provided them proof that my ex spouse already had them covered. Since I had no choice in the matter and since a legal mandate qualifies as a life status change event (enabling a health care provider to allow someone to enroll in benefits outside of their normal bogus "open enrollment" period), I decided to just go ahead and cover the whole family. I submitted my application and waited for a response. Finally after several days, I was told "no, we will only allow the mandated children to be covered". Hmmm. Okay, so I'm going to have to pay the already high premium to cover children, but Blue Cross and Blue Shield is only going to allow me to put  the non-custodial children on? Not my other children for whom I am the primary custodian? In a word, that's BS, and a senseless, arbitrary, judgment-less decision made by some heartless BCBS bonehead in a padded leather chair somewhere.

My Plan 

Refusing to give Blue Cross and Blue Shield one dime, I then decided to explore the alternative of purchasing my OWN health insurance as an individual. Now, I had always been brainwashed to believe that purchasing insurance on your own was so outrageously expensive that it couldn't possibly be affordable, so prior to this I had always just opted to tell my employer to "give me the works" and pay whatever I had to. But after inquiring among my peers and family, I found that there were LOTS of affordable options out there, none of which cost me any more than my employer was charging me, and all of which were comparable in coverage benefits! I finally settled on using United Health Care (www.uhc.com), and in so doing was able to speak directly to a rep who helped me design a custom benefits package that fit my budget and my needs to a tee, and at an EQUAL cost to what my employer was charging me! I lost nothing and I gained freedom from the "group" by which healthcare providers judge employees when deciding their rates.

Employers: Consider This

Here's food for thought, too, for any of you out there who have employees and who provide company sponsored benefits: Stop doing it. Instead, what if you simply told your employees to go out and get their OWN benefits, and then you reimburse them half of their monthly premiums? Let's look at some numbers.

My employer currently graciously covers a full 50% of what they are charged to provide me health benefits. If they're charging me $450 a month, then they are paying $450 themselves. Times the twelve employees we have, they're dropping $5,400 a month on us AFTER factoring in what they deduct from our paychecks. If instead they allowed each of us to go out and get our own, and let's say between us all (some single, some healthy, some ill, some old, some with families) we all managed to acquire a premium that averaged $600, they would spend only $3,600 a month, and each employee would only spend $300 a month. The employer saves $1,800 a month, the employee saves $150-200 a month...win win, right????

So then why isn't this happening? Why haven't more employers caught on to such an approach? Am I missing something? I know my nature is to simplify things, boil them down to their true core...but is it really this simple, or am I just incapable of "appreciating" an overly complex scenario? Is the emperor naked, or does he really sport a gorgeous new wardrobe? lol. Actually, I think it's the whole "herd" mentality prevailing in this industry, where every employer does it the way they do because every other employer does it that way too. Bah.

Bottom line, I don't think I'll ever elect employee sponsored benefits again, unless of course they are picking up enough of the tab to make it the best deal for me. I encourage all of you to at least explore the option yourselves, too, and approach your employer about adopting a similar reimbursement policy for their company.

For twelve years I dedicated myself to Christianity. Not the casual, “add it to your collection of good things you lay claim to” style of Christianity; I rather gave myself to it, immersed myself in it, surrounded myself with it, and spent every waking moment working hard in one fashion or another trying desperately to achieve my understanding of what it meant to “become a new man”. When the Book said that I was supposed to become like Christ, I left nothing out of that definition and sought for all those years to rid myself of every dark feeling, every lascivious tendency, and every desire for the things I had learned were not to be desired. I studied my Bible almost daily, and when I wasn’t studying it I was meditating in its precepts, searching for the understanding of them and their application in my own life, certain that if I could only bridge that gap between the words on those pages and the heart that beat inside of me, I would be able to escape the bondage of this flesh and transcend my own weaknesses, flaws, and ignorance.

To some, what I describe as the mission I dedicated myself to may sound fanatical. To others it may sound like precisely the thing we should all be engaged in. Whatever end of the spectrum one might see it at, one thing I’m sure all would agree on: what I describe must have been a heavy, heavy burden for a young man to bear. After all, what I was trying to accomplish goes against everything that human beings are, and my “from the heart” dedication to this ideal and these goals would not allow me to give less than my all to achieve it. It was a burden, however; a heavy one, filled with discouragement at my own failings and with fear of what those others who I supposed held to the same standards and ideals would think of me if I could not carry it. Because “my” Christianity was so heavy to me, one precept that I always struggled to understand and could not manage to fit in with everything else I knew were the words of Christ in Matthew 11:30 when he told us that “his yoke is easy and his burden is light”. Nothing could have been farther from the truth for me, nothing, and I never understood how he could say such a thing and what he could have possibly meant by it. Until yesterday.

In 2001, the discouragement of continually failing to achieve the unachievable took its toll and I abandoned my quest altogether. Of course, in the years between then and now I have found my way back to a more proper median and have returned to the process of self-improvement of my inner man. The faith I held to for all those years: it was as real as the day. It did not allow me to rest on my laurels, but rather moved me to once again  seek for the truth I know must exist, and I have attended classes and worships here and there, read a few books on subjects that can be so abstract sometimes, and I have returned to my own personal study of the book as well. I have not drawn any conclusions on any subject as of yet, but put my efforts into keeping my mind wide open and the information flowing in. I also put my efforts into practicing those things I know to be good and right, which brings me to yesterday.

The recent death of a dear uncle of mine shed a whole new perspective on time and life for me. Being at a place that must surely be near the halfway point in my own lifespan, I cannot but be constantly and keenly aware of the brevity of it all and of those things that matter and those that do not. My own grandparents, whom I love dearly, are well into their 80s, and so I purposed that I would spend more time with them. This can be a challenging thing to do when you work all the time to support a boatload of children and when so many other souls look to you for support, love, and attention. But, I came up with the perfect plan, and so packed up my laptop yesterday morning and headed for the Silver Tree nursing home where my grandma stays. Every day my grandpa goes up there and spends several hours in the middle of the day with her, so since Silver Tree has wireless internet, I decided that I could just work from there and be able to spend time with the both of them. It was as I was driving to the nursing home yesterday, thinking about how well the whole thing was working out, feeling really happy in anticipation of seeing them, being so glad that I was going to be spending time with my beloved grandparents on a weekly basis, that a thought occurred to me: “You know, it really is not hard at all to do good.” And that is when the words of Christ came back to me, too: “my yoke is easy and my burden is light”.

I could be way off on my understanding; but then again, I could be spot on, too. It makes perfect sense to me, and I do believe that NOW I understand what he was talking about. Doing good, giving of yourself, loving one another...it is SO easy to do! It’s also well worth the investment of time and energy, and the rewards that come from it...immeasurable. In the whole process of just doing what you know is right, you not only give and receive, but man, you change just a little bit, too. Do it often enough and consistently enough, and the good deeds you do will become who you are. Want to be a good man or woman? Want to truly become a new creature, or put on Christ, or any other phrasing that means the same thing? It’s your actions on the outside that have the ability to change who you are on the inside. Knowledge is a first prerequisite, but the doing of it is what actually accomplishes true change. Like the weather can carve stone, doing well will carve a new man, one grain at a time. And the beauty of it: it’s not a hard thing to do at all. It’s easy, and the yoke, it really is a light one to bear.

Just my take.

Doug

Allow me to preface by saying that I am well aware that NO MALE reading this post has ever considered, imagined, entertained the remotest thought of, or especially TRIED any of the seemingly popular and wildly successful (according to Ron Jeremy) male enhancement nutraceuticals. I know this is the case...we're all fantastically pleased with our packages just the way they are; no room for improvement there. Lend me your imaginations for a moment though, and let's pretend a few things. Let's pretend that first of all, Ron Jeremy does not speak with cunning lingus, and "Johnson-gro" actually does what it says. Let's pretend also that you actually say to yourself one day while studying your genitalia in a fogged up mirror, "hmmm, I guess I COULD stand to have a LITTLE more penile fortitude", and drop the bucks to acquire the product. And, to top off our imaginative adventure, let's say that after rubbing on a handful of "Cavernous Balm" and rinsing it away, there in all its glorious beauty shone a serpent fit to be enshrined, a full ONE INCH longer! You know, the size of half of your pinky finger; the distance between the 2 and the 5 button on your telephone; the breadth of three lines on your notebook paper.

Now, here's the question, the answer to which I believe dispells every empty, egotistical, low self-esteem driven motivation that moves us and fuels the "phallic express" bosses who thrive on mankind's misinterpretation of his schnitzel:

Would your woman even NOTICE?

Your lovely spousal unit of one, three, five, ten, even TWENTY years: Would she really take note the night you crawl into bed with what you believe to be a brand new weiner? Even in the bright white light of the noon day sun, do you honestly believe that, had you never said a word to her about anything to do with attempting to lengthen your dachsund, that her eyes would fly wide open at what you perceive to be a huge difference in Ol' Stiffy? I'm betting a gabillion dollars that the absolute unquestionable answer is...NO. She wouldn't notice without you pointing it out to her, and even then she'd have to stretch her imagination to try and find concord with you.

Through the eyes of our companions (contrary to our own perceptions sometimes), WE do NOT equal our Wally. Our woman sees us when she looks at us, not solely one small part of us (pun intended). I know, I know, this is a hard concept to conceive; after all, WE see ourselves as our penis, why wouldn't they? Especially when that's the part of us with which we pleasure and become one with her. The fact of the matter is, though, as I'm sure you have all heard continuously, US GUYS are the only ones who really care THAT much about how much our Ballpark Frank plumps when you cook it, not them. The proof being that were you truly able to tack on another whopping INCH, she wouldn't even know that you had. Knowing how very challenging this is for a male to wrap his head around, allow me to toss out an equal analogy from our companion's perspective that I believe will help drive the concept home....

A woman's pride is very much attached to her appearance; not even a topic fit for debate. The skyrocketing sales of bigger boobs, liposuction, rhinoplasty, vulvarian sculpture, etc. solidifies that fact hands down. One aspect with which she identifies herself as beautiful is her hair. Now for us guys, we know that our lady HAS hair, and we like that fact; but I would venture to say that, although we can see the aesthetic complement a neatly coiffed head provides, it is way down on our list of reasons why we are attracted so strongly to her.

Case in point: your lady goes out for the day with a girlfriend to do some shopping, grab some lunch, have some girl time. When she gets home, you're super happy to see her and plant a wet one on her to let her know it. But unless she points it out to you or is gentle enough to drop a few hints here and there, chances are you are NOT going to notice the WHOPPING INCH that she spent seventy five bucks to get chopped off the end of her hair. To her, her hair is her pride and joy, one of the devices by which she measures her own beauty, and the fact that she gave it some attention and paid someone to take off those BLATANT split ends and make it just a wee bit shorter has added to her self-esteem greatly. But for us, though we do see her hair, like to touch her hair, smell her hair... it isn't her hair alone that makes her beautiful to us! In fact, it's rare that we even notice her "girl's hair cut" unless she TELLS us. Why? It isn't because we're blind, or we're not looking at her. It's precisely because we ARE looking at her, and not just her hair, that we do not take special note most times.

You getting it yet? Your woman doesn't care about the dimensions of your outer space, YOU DO; you don't care if your lady dyes, cuts, curls, perms, or straightens her hair: SHE does. I concur that it will take a LOT of mental training and practice for the average male to teach himself to think differently, but guys, it's time we all stop judging ourselves (I say this very generically) by what we perceive ourselves to be or not be packing, and realize that going up one ring size is NOT the ultimate gift. If we spent half as much mental energy on thinking of ways to be better husbands and boyfriends as we do thinking about "what if I were as big as a pop can", we'd have happier partners than we ever thought possible. Investing time in the things she DOES care about...now THAT is "male enhancement".

Just food for thought. :)

The collective abilities of the many always surpass the few. This is common knowledge, and pervades every aspect of life so much so that we probably don't even take note of it. A pride of lions takes more game than one hunting solo; the most correct answer is the distillation of many people's opinions rather than that of a single individual; the list could go on ad finitum. So why then is it that so many people who catch the entrepreneurial bug tend to want to go it alone? Rather than seek out like-minded individuals to strengthen and further their causes, they segregate and ostrecize themselves, professionally speaking, and attempt to "build the ark" all by their lonesome, dreaming of the day when they alone (and those few souls with whom they select to share their success) will find themselves sitting atop Mount Ararat?

Okay, a somewhat deep intro into the subject of this post, but I do believe the principle is relevant. I have good ideas. I'm sure many, many of you out there have good ideas, too. Ideas that, if we ever find ourselves with all of the needed time, resources, expertise, and perpetual motivation to make the idea tangible, we'd be gazillionaires.The fact is, though, that the solo road from concept to real product is very, very long and most never complete the journey. So then: why not break away from the pack and become part of a very small, very select alliance of like-minded inviduals, pooling your resources, planning together, and executing that plan as a single unit? It's a model that has served nature quite well, with a success rate that has brought mankind himself to his present state.

I myself have caught the entrepreneurial bug, the innate desire to turn my ideas into reality and what were once only dreams into realistic, achievable goals. Having this desire, I often explore different plans of execution, trying to find the best way to invest my resources so that I create a stair step approach to reaching my desired end. But  no matter how I slice it, traversing that road as a solo individual is a lengthy prospect. If I had one, or two other individuals, though, who had the same goals and with whom I could combine allocated resources, I know that we would shorten that road exponentially. We would each bring to the table our own professional and personal networks; or own talents, skillsets, and areas of expertise; our own collection of ideas that we have been mulling over and evolving for the past umpteen years; and our own cache of resources to contribute to the cause. We would form our own elite "brain trust", advancing the causes that would become a legacy to our posterity.

Now, if my treatise has given rise to any hot sparks of interest or a chorus of "hallelujah" whispered under the breath, then perhaps we should begin a dialogue to explore our chemistries, alignment of goals, and how well our ideas complement one another. I for one am READY to make something happen, but would love for it to be the passion of several individuals rather than just myself, for the benefit of all involved.  Any takers?

For the last several months it has been my distinct opinion that the ColdFusion user group down here in San Antonio is, to put it frankly, lame. Attendance is high when we have more than three people show up (including the manager and co manager), the agenda is non-existent really, and all of our best meetings are held at the Flying Saucer (local college hangout with hundreds of kinds of beer) or TGIs (killer apple tinis). It's important that you understand I am not casting blame or pointing fingers...I believe our manager really does care and puts forth the effort needed. Nevertheless, this has been my personal assessment.

Last night was our September meeting. The manager called me and asked me to make sure and be there early because he was stuck in jury duty and wasn't sure when he would be out. So, I arrived at our regular meeting place (a training facility) only to find the room we always use occupied by a class. The sign that's usually taped to the door pointing the way to the meeting room wasn't there either. So I hung out in the lobby and waited for any other members to show up so we could discuss options. Eventually two guys walked in looking for the user group meeting. They were new faces, had never been to one of our meetings, and were interested in the topic of Flex that our manager had sent out as something we were going to talk about. I explained the situation to them, and for the next 45 minutes had an incredibly deep conversation revolving around Action Script 3 and Flash development, the forte of both of these guys. Our manager arrived soon after and we all went to the Flying Saucer where we spent the next two and a half hours geeking out (I say that affectionately), discussing specifics about projects we were working on, experiences we've had, and our own technical autobiographies. Some good connections were made on several levels, and I know that something positive will come from having gotten to know these guys over a few barley wines.

The real purpose of this post comes now and has to do with an epiphany I had on the way home. I obviously have been of the opinion that my user group is lame, most of that stemming from the fact that NOBODY hardly ever shows up for it. Up until last night, somewhere inside of me I harbored a kind of grudge against those others in this city who I KNOW use Coldfusion on a daily basis yet do not bother to show up and take part in the improvement of our craft as a whole. When I would try and understand why they so very often choose not to be there, I would always think "it must be because they don't get anything from our meetings", and would put my mind to coming up with ways to make the meetings more useful in a practical sense. Last night, though...it was a very small group, 5 in total (another guy joined us later after I called and invited him); yet the meeting was SO GOOD! And no, it wasn't just the barley wine. It was the dynamic of the conversations...I was LEARNING from these guys, I was being sharpened and improved simply by partaking of their experiences and sharing, and I was contributing like things from my own areas of expertise. So, boys and girls, here are my thoughts post-epiphany on the subject of user group meetings now...

If the reason you don't attend your user group meeting is because you don't think you're going to get anything from it...then shame, shame on you. The audacity one must have to believe that the user group is there solely for his or her benefit and partaking! Au contraire mon frere, au contraire. The user group is only as good as its members, bottom line. If you want it to be useful to you, then contribute to it in the form of BEING there and SHARING what you have learned! It's the manifestation of the old saying, you reap what you sow. If you want to gain something from the user group, then man, GIVE something to the user group! As I shared, our meeting last night was so inspiring and enlightening, opening my mind up to things I've not yet exposed it to and showing me the possibilities in these other avenues; but it was not solely because I sat idly by and just listened...I participated.  Your user group will only ever be as good as the members who support it, so if you, like I have done for so long, believe your user group is lame, then stop pointing fingers or casting blame! Attend the meetings and make them what you want them to be. Offer to give presentations, offer feedback and ideas to your managers, be outspoken and a participant rather than a spectator. In a nutshell, either do your part or stop complaining (even if its only to yourself).

And to those of you who DO attend your meetings but tend to worry over the fact that many others do not: stop worrying about it. Simple truth is, you probably are better off without the dead weight anyway.

Just my take.

Doug out.

I can't help but relate to the 40 Year Old Virgin, as I myself am 42 and for whatever reason (I have no good explanation for it), THIS year is the VERY FIRST TIME politics has ever attracted my interest. It's almost like I've just now hit political puberty or something (I mean, I KNEW that changes were taking place inside of me but I was confused about them and didn't know what they meant!). Every single election year, I've turned away from anything political, not caring about who won, not believing I really had anything to say about it anyway, and utterly abhorring anything that reeked of arse kissing or mud slinging. I've just flat out never cared and considered those who did get caught up in the waves as "one of the herd" who mindlessly followed around their favorite animal banner (ass or elephant).

 But this year, it's different. I don't think I have really changed all that much...I still see the multitudes as members of a herd, I still believe that I'm fairly insignificant in the grand scheme of things. But what I believe may be happening now is that I feel a distinct vibration in the air that this year, this election isn't just going to result in either gas that's a few cents higher or lower; this election feels like a major, major crossroads in the history of civilization to me. Call it intuition, or rather call it an overwhelming sense of foreboding, but I do believe that what happens THIS November 4th is going to be the beginning of major major changes, for good or bad. Knowing this, it scares me. I'm late in the game, but right now I'm trying to catch up on the two opposing sides...get a sense of who they are, what they truly represent, who I can trust. For the first time in my life, I watched a debate on TV because I was truly interested in getting to know these people (Biden/Palin). I heard double talk, I heard honesty, I heard real people, I heard fake people. I heard original thoughts, I heard rehearsed thoughts, I heard stances and viewpoints, and in the entire process of taking it in and digesting it, I was in a constant state of comparing what they said, thought, and believed with what I think and believe. Some of Palin's points I had to give a single handed high five to; some of Biden's points, I did the same. I saw parts of him I could live under, I saw parts of her I could live under. I thought to myself, "why can't THOSE two be running on the same ticket? Then I wouldn't have any question about who to vote for". My good friend compelled me to listen to Obama's acceptance speech, which I did. I related to him in many aspects. My other good friend compelled me to do the same with McCain and again, I could see myself living under the man's government. So in the end, dang it, they ALL have points I totally concur with, and they all have points I totally disagree with. So then, how does a 42 year old virgin go about making the right decision for himself?

I truly believe that the answer begins inside of me first. Before I can ever make a rational, good choice between candidates, I have to know what my OWN beliefs are, know what my OWN philosophy on a given subject is, and most importantly, I have to have those beliefs and philosophies prioritized. Until I do that, I  will always find myself what they call "on the fence". I don't believe that a person is on the fence because all of the candidates are just such good choices; I believe (after seeing this in my own self) that a person is "on the fence" because they have NOT taken the time to first understand their own selves well enough; they've not examined what their OWN beliefs truly are and prioritized them.  Once I did that...listed mentally or otherwise which of my personal beliefs and needs were most important to me, the choice became much, much easier. Since I (and every individual) see the world from my own particular place in it, no candidate is ever going to think exactly like me; but I can choose the one whose top priorities are most aligned with MY top priorities. If I stop spending so much time trying to understand every single thing each candidate believes and stands for and just focus on the ones that matter most to me, it isn't nearly as difficult a task to make a decision. 

As I stated earlier, I feel it...there's something about this election, this time in our history, this place that the world finds itself in that is foreboding and frightening. The world's on the brink of so many things, some amazingly good, some amazingly horrifying. For this reason, and because (though I may be but a single drop in the ocean) my presence, however miniscule, DOES count, I have registered to vote and will do so for the first time in my life this coming November. Feel free to contact me on or off line if you would like to me to share more of my personal political evolution, if you think it might help someone else you know evolve as well and give up their political virginity! 

Thanks for listening.

"Sorry" by itself NEVER constitutes an apology, so don't go deceiving yourself into thinking you fixed what you broke when all you said was "sorry"; uh-uh, that ain't gonna cut it Bud. Delivered all alone, it is an empty, meaningless word without context or connotation, and does absolutely NOTHING for the other party involved to begin the healing process. If you truly are sorry for something, there's a little bit of homework that has to be done before true mending can take place.

First of all, you MUST understand exactly what it is that you did to hurt, offend, or wrong the other person. To gain this insight takes something that I fear too many people lack: introspection, or self-examination. In many senses of the word, you have to step outside yourself and the situation and look at it from a new perspective to really size up the deeds and damage. One tip that tends to work well is to simply imagine that the exact scenario had taken place between two friends or relatives of yours. If THEY had gone through the exact same situation, how would YOU judge the matter? However you would judge it between two other parties, that's exactly how you should judge yourself. Call the Spade a Spade, man, don't be sugar coating it.

Once you understand what precisely your wrong was, you must then don a mindset of humility. Pride won't allow you to be sorry, but man, humility will promote the sincerity and repentance that the other party must see in order to have a hope of forgiving you. So humble yourself down, dude(tte), eat a little crow pie, and be determined that if you're gonna do this that you're gonna do it right.

Now, deliver the apology. Beg (not literally) an audience with the other party, and in all the true humility and sincerity you can muster, you tell them exactly what you did wrong and how truly sorry you are. If you want to make it really complete, share a little bit of what you learned during self-examination and tell them what fault in you actually precipitated the misdeed. By doing this, they will be getting one of the vital pieces they need to grant forgiveness, and that is the knowledge that you really do understand the harm you caused. Speaking of forgiveness, asking for this is also a necessary part of the apology. I did say ASK, not demand. You don't have the RIGHT to EXPECT forgiveness...that in itself is a gift granted at their discretion, not yours. They may or may not grant it, but the truly repentant person will remain so regardless.

If you happen to be the person who was wronged (aren't we all?), there are some things you can do to help the other person achieve repentance. As with forgiveness, repentance and true sorrow can only be achieved by the individual and there's no magic button to push that makes it occur. You can, however, do things to help break down their main barrier to making it right (their pride). This may sound a little strange or off the wall, but I know for an absolute fact that it is true and it does work with even the hardest, coldest of individuals: be soft. That's right, soft. Speak gently, not harshly or provokingly; show kindness even though you know (and most importantly THEY know) that no kindness is warranted; break down your OWN pride and put on an air of humility. It is nearly impossible for an individual to maintain a posture of defensiveness and pride when their opponent (friend, better half, other) is doing absolutely nothing to fuel such things. We tend to mirror one another, ever notice that? You be nice to me, I tend to be nice to you. You smile at me, I smile at you. You frown at me, I frown back at you. What you are doing in many ways is showing them the behavior they themselves ought to mimic toward you, and lo and behold, they most likely will! Once their pride is down, that dark self-destructive veil, THEN they will be able to see their own true colors clearly and get on with the business of fixing what they broke.

Hope this helps!

Doug out.

As I traversed the route I always do from my Jeep to the entrance of the office building where I work, I glanced at the now empty nest that lay in the ivy bed under the oak tree. Pin feathers and empty, broken egg shells decorated the area as scavengers had left it somewhat disheveled in their search for any of the ducklings which may not have hatched. The raccoons found nothing in the nest, however, because all of the ducklings had hatched; all except one.

Two weeks ago when I passed the nest at the end of the day I noticed that the mother had taken a rare reprieve and had gone down to the creek for a drink and a dip. It was in that moment that a great conflict arose in me and my good sense battled my selfishness for a moment as I debated taking one of the eggs for myself. I reasoned with myself: “I’ll keep the egg warm, faithfully and carefully incubating and turning it as its mother was! I’ll be mother and caregiver to the little duckling once it hatches! My children will love it, I’ve been wanting a pet, and it would be a wonderful experience for all of us for a long time to come!” Compelling arguments to a man who suddenly and impulsively set his heart on something. Ah, but the voice of reason could not be silenced, and it gently but firmly reminded me of a time many years ago when I had been faced with a similar choice and learned a difficult lesson from it. Allow me to elucidate.

It was a humid summer evening in San Antonio. I was living in a small, humble house in a part of town not known for its high income demographic. The sun had already gone down and I was just arriving home from the grocery store. As I approached the front door, there on the screen was a cicada, still dirty from having only just emerged from its earthy cocoon. It had apparently made its way directly to our front door and climbed up the screen to find a safe place in which to go through the final molt of its life. In my life I had seen thousands of empty cicada shells stuck to the sides of trees, to car tires…nearly everywhere. I had also found adult cicadas that had newly emerged from their subterranean exoskeletons and were drying their wings. But, I had never witnessed the entire process of their emergence, and so I gathered my kids and we all sat down on the front porch to watch this miracle transpire before our eyes.

Thirty minutes passed, and the cicada had managed to split the skin on its back and was partially protruding, its eyes still inside the brown skeleton. By this time, the excitement I had imparted to my children had waned and they went back inside. I, however, being the patient and curious adult that I am, decided I was going to stick it out and watch this beautiful emerald creature complete its molt. An hour passed, and the cicada was almost totally out of its skin with only the tip of its abdomen and the ends of its legs still inside. My curiosity got the better of me at that point, and I approached in order to study it closer and (and this is where the real lesson began) to assist it in its escape. As I “gently” and “carefully” (as much as a man’s giant fingers can do) plucked the cicada from the screen and began to lend it the aid of my human strength to pull free, one then two of its still very soft and delicate legs broke off. I immediately ceased all of my efforts and hooked the cicada’s empty front claws back onto the screen door, backing away from it with an overwhelming feeling of horror inside of me at what I had inadvertently done.

I never forgot that incident, and now as I pondered the question of taking one of the duck eggs home, the feelings of that moment there in the porch light came flooding back to me, transforming itself into an echo of the conscience that told me in no uncertain terms to keep walking toward my Jeep. My selfishness and vain confidence, however, won out and in a moment I was walking to my Jeep, a very warm duck egg held against my fatherly chest.

It took the entire ride home to quiet my conscience and re-convince myself that I could certainly succeed at this endeavor. I took a flannel blanket and formed a nest on the floor beside my bed, placed the egg in the center, and covered it over. I then placed a heating pad on top of the nest on its lowest setting to simulate the mother duck and began monitoring the temperature inside the “nest”. Having researched the subject on the net, I knew that the internal temp should ideally be 98 degrees, and I did pretty good at maintaining just that. The hiccup came, however, when it was time for me to take my three day trip to Missouri with my children to visit relatives, something I had known about but not thought about during the deliberation to take the egg. So, I employed the services of two young ladies I know who volunteered to house sit for me. I showed them how to monitor the temperature, how to turn the egg, and took the time to impart a sense of urgency to them about the matter. When I left, I had all confidence that Huey, as the unborn duckling came to be known, would be fine. Well, in all honesty I didn’t have all confidence…there was a nagging worry in the back of my mind that I worked hard to quiet since I had no choice in this situation but to leave Huey in their care.

When I got back in town, I immediately asked about the egg and how things had gone, and was informed that the temperature had dropped and they couldn’t get it to go up. I candled the egg to check for movement inside and saw a shadow moving around, so I thought all must be well. I thanked them for taking care of things and proceeded to get the nest’s temperature back to optimum. Every day that followed, I candled the egg and saw no movement. My heart began to sink as the possibility that Huey was dead grew. Since I passed by the nest every day on my way in to the office, I knew that all of Huey’s brothers and sisters had hatched two days prior, but I hoped that perhaps due to the lowered temperature, Huey was just a bit behind in development. Not the case. Three days later and still no movement, I decided to extract Huey from the egg in case he was just too weak to get out himself. I found a perfectly formed little duckling inside, folded up in an amazing pattern that allowed his entire body to fit into the space of an egg, but completely lifeless. Huey had died, and once again that old sense of horror flooded in as I considered the life I had, in all of my best intentions, taken.

What compels us, as human beings, to harbor such vain thoughts as to believe that we can do everything better than nature itself? Sometimes, we view a scene and judge it through eyes clouded with the pride of life, telling ourselves that nature is “just getting lucky” and that it would do much better with our intelligent assistance. What we find, though, is a lesson in humility as we are reminded, sometimes via dark consequences, that we are, alongside these creatures great and small, the Creation and NOT the Creator. As such, we have no right nor ability to do nature one better and to even consider such a notion is vanity and deceit. The lesson then, that I have now had to learn in at least two separate, life-effecting sessions is this: nature is here for our viewing pleasure, and in all our observations and partaking of it, we ought to always leave it just the way we found it.

My mind swam as I drove the thirty minutes to the hospital, my thoughts wandering back and forth between the cares of my day and my love and concern for my grandpa. I had just walked in from a pleasant lunch with one of my fellow Masons when the front desk lady flagged me down and handed me a scribbled note that read “grandpa – hospital – emergency – call mom”. Sometimes I really despise the way I always analyze things. Rather than allowing the naturally occurring emotions of such a surprise scenario to run their course, I immediately and instinctively subdued them, opting rather to convince myself that there was no cause for alarm or concern at this point since I had no real information upon which to base a judgment. But c’mon…with keywords such as those scrawled on that yellow piece of paper, how many conclusions could there be that don’t end in a situation where emotions are absolutely appropriate? I do believe that it’s more from fear than strength that I do that to myself…that I throw logic at myself in order to postpone the inevitable. Others look at me and see me as the strong one, the reasonable one, the one who is really able to think clearly and rationally. In reality, I am the one most afraid, and only do it as a self-protective measure. I tend to equate crying with vomiting…both are natural and healing reactions that our humanity thrust upon us when necessary, yet I find myself going to the greatest of lengths to utterly avoid them at all costs. I believe it’s because both of them are involuntary, and nothing frightens me more than not being in control of my situation. Well there, I’ve done it. I’ve just auto-analyzed my own psychology in a public forum. But I don’t care. I’m only writing about this in order to provide some sort of relief for myself, a vent for the anguish I kept bottled up as I helped my grandpa…no, suffered with my grandpa, through the stroke he had had that very morning.

I love that man, so very, very much. One of my greatest regrets is that I never put forth the effort to get to know him better in my younger years. He was always traveling here and there with my grandma, living what I envisioned as a very exciting and lavish life. Their home base was Texas, mine was Missouri. I married right out of high school and immediately had my life swept up with responsibilities I was trying to grow into. Our paths crossed only on occasion over the course of thirty years, and even when it was that I eventually ended up living in the same city as he and grandma, I still never seemed to find time in my schedule to invest in our relationship. How sad. What a rich and meaningful relationship I robbed myself and my children of by not being more determined in that.

In the past year, I had finally made up my mind to turn over a new leaf in that department, and I embarked upon an endeavor that gave grandpa and I some common ground: Masonry. I didn’t do it just for him, but I was glad that we now had something to ensure we would spend time together. Entering into Masonry necessarily involves the requirement of spending one on one time with other more experienced Masons, and whenever possible, I chose my grandpa. In what Masons refer to as esoteric work, I began to finally get to know who my grandpa was. How smart he was, how even tempered; his wit, his sincere care for his wife, myself, and family (even those of the feline persuasion). He wears his 84 years as though he were just barely entering retirement age, always smiling, laughing, helping with something.

When I finally completed my brisk walk of the hospital’s length (I parked at the wrong end of the facility…fancy that) and entered the room where they were still examining him, it was a completely foreign way to be seeing my grandpa. Whereas he was always the active one, the one helping somebody else, now it was his turn to receive the attention and assistance. And oh, how it grieved him so! I saw my beloved, strong grandpa weep multiple times that day. Not out of self-pity, but for the worry that others had over him and the time they were taking out of their own schedules for his sake. When he cried, I would be strong for him, put my hand on his shoulder, smile at him so he could see that I was there to fill in for whatever strength the stroke had temporarily taken away. My mind was set, and I told him so, that we would all overcome this together and press on as the happy loving family that we were no matter what it might require of us all. I was so glad for my own youth and strength and health so that I could lend it to him, that my abundance could be supply for his lack at that time, as his has been for me in past situations.

My grandma…she who is always so beautiful and elegant and graceful in every way; she really rose to the occasion as well, impressing me mightily. The love I always knew was there between them was more evident now than ever, as she tirelessly held his hand from her wheelchair, looked at him so lovingly and dear, smiled at him, and kept him energized by her amazing love for him. He reciprocated, and though few words were spoken between them, the air between their mutual gazes was alive. Her stamina, which normally is quite short due to her progressing Parkinsons, was as good or better than my own; her speech, which is normally not more than a whisper (again, due to her Parkinsons) was quite audible and clear. Though my grandpa may not see it right now, his unfortunate illness has brought out so much good and strength in everyone around him…his weakness, his lacking, has given those around him who love him so such a blessed opportunity to give back…there honestly can be so much beauty in tragedy, such that the tragic event itself is paled in comparison and appears as nothing more than an insignificant thing that should soon be forgotten.

This is the second day since my grandpa realized he was having a stroke when he couldn’t lift his spoon of cereal to his mouth, but the sadness that plagued him yesterday has been set aside, and he even walked a couple hundred feet today down the hall of the hospital wing. Tomorrow my mom and Aunt will arrive to see their father and perform the happy duty of a child to their aging parents, and I am excited to see them as well. I was my mother’s eyes, ears, voice, and arms while she couldn’t be here, and I feel very privileged to have fulfilled that role for her. I’m glad I was here when my grandpa got sick, and I will continue to offer myself to them all for the love I have for them, most especially grandpa.

There is nothing more beautiful, satisfying, nor purposeful than to give yourself for the sake of another. May I encourage everyone who reads this to consider those who are nearest and dearest to them, and even those who aren’t but should be, and take advantage of the precious moments you have so that when all is said and done (and it will eventually be), you will have no regrets.