Content Warning: If you are a narcissistic .NET programmer who truly believes that .NET is indeed the best approach to web development. this post may enflame the suicidal tendencies you already possess but manage to suppress via the placebos and affirmations of your fellow .NET narcissists. I hold no responsibility and am not liable for any harm, whether physical or psychological, that may come to you as a result of ingesting the observations that follow.

THE TOPIC

There are some who hold to the belief that CFML programmers aren't real programmers and that, due to the relatively low learning curve involved with acquiring the CFML skillset, literally anybody can learn it. Additionally, this fact leads those who utilize .NET on a daily basis to conclude that code written using CFML is a scourge to the ecosphere of web based applications.

POINT

There is no point.

COUNTERPOINT

Narcissistic .NET programmer, you ignorant, misguided, liberal, Mountain Dew snorting, wheezing slut. You, who teeters on the brink of full blown homosexuality, have had your head stuck so far up the dark putrid rectum of .NET for so long that if you were ever to pull it out and see the light of day, your shriveled, receded, nearsighted eyeballs would immediately explode upon contact with the real world of programming. At the sound of this explosion, CFML programmers would immediately rush toward you and skull phuck your orbital sockets, attempting (in vain) to inject your brain with a dose of the common sense and reason of which it is completely and totally void. But should, by some miracle, those undulating bits of understanding make their way to the emaciated remnants of your cerebral cortex and grant you the ability to glimpse for just a moment the facts of the matter, you would immediately discern the wisdom of the CFML programmer in working smarter, not harder. You would begin to salivate as you realized that, for all these years, whereas you have been architecting solutions to scoot a chair from one side of a room to the other utilizing ever increasingly complex levels of sado-masochistic ropes, pullies, fog machines, duct tape, nail guns, and politicians, the CFML programmers have been architecting solutions that simply required the code to...pick the chair up, walk it across the room, and put it down again. You would weep openly at the epiphany that, whereas the .NET programmer has for years been utilizing an overly complicated language littered with operating system dependencies, the management of which consumed the bulk of their miserable, sexless lives, the CFML programmer has been thriving and growing while utilizing a language that has continued to evolve in its abstraction of its Java base to the point where the CFML programmer needs not, like the .NET programmer, learn to equate pain with accomplishment, and can rather focus on creating works of art, while receiving an endless supply of sex from beautiful women, that are scalable, web-based, applications.

Unfortunately for you, no amount of skullphucking you will ever result in anything more than you walking around with orbital sockets that have been used, abused, and are permanently chaffed, and as you have learned to be quite content with the stench of the .NET rectum in which you happily reside and the severe levels of pain and bondage required to produce workable products using .NET, you are doomed to forever despise the language that so contrasts that to which you are married and, if you were to ever admit the truth, you would immediately implode in upon yourself and become and even larger black hole than you already are.

You, Narcissistic .NET programmer, are quickly becoming a programming species that resides lower on the evolutionary ladder than those who leverage the simplicity and efficiency of CFML to allow for true Rapid Application Development. You're a throwback, a genetic and social deformity, whose sole source of purpose and reason for existence is incestuously derived from the sickeningly over-complicated code you puke up in between porn breaks in your mildewed cubicle while bathed in the glow of your four 22 inch flat panel monitors. It is only in being forced to type out ten lines of code to iterate over a data set while you drool over your keyboard because of the red rubber ball that .NET has tightly forced into your mouth that you manage to keep from overdosing on RedBull in order to end the misery that is your professional life.

Ah, and what for you is a still fairly recent embrace of the mysterious, ethereal, mystical world of frameworks that has appeared on the horizon of the primitive, strictly procedural world that you've lived within for as long as you've been free from your momma's titty has resulted in further fanning the faux fires of your narcissism, causing you to believe that the utterance of the magic words you barely comprehend, such as "MVC", gives you further super powers over those utilizing CFML. Unbeknownst to you, when you were first uttering the sickening squeels of the braingasm that ensued when a fellow Narcissistic .NETter first revealed the idea of frameworks to you at one of your monthly pizza-greased user group orgies, the CFML people were watching you and wondering sadly to themselves, "he just now heard about this?".

To further supplement your utterly false belief that you are indeed a genius for managing to set a variable through five layers of aggregated class instances, you maintain a virtual social life online in WoW, where you can wallow in the constant drone of your fellow narcissistic .NETters who reaffirm to you that you are indeed the shiznit, as they dote on you and beg for code snippets which they immediately discard the moment you IM them.

You, Narcissistic .NETter, are an idiot for clinging to the vapor that working harder signifies some level of intelligence that transcends that of those who work smarter, and you are doomed to never know the true meaning of art when it comes to application architecture and development. Those programmers who do possess true intelligence, as witnessed and confirmed by the fact that they are capable of seeing the usefulness and beauty in nth generation languages that, while providing a highly abstracted level of interface to the underlying language still provide the ability to access those lower levels when the scenario warrants it, will continue to pity you and sidestep your highly failed attempts at ascerting your superiority over us, like so much dog feces on the sidewalk.

On the bright side, and to give you hope for one day of achieving a reason to continue existing, CFML developers are always eager to show you the world of true RAD. The door is always open, we will not judge you for your years of being a .NET prostitute, and we will glady share with you the beauty of simplicity.

Comments will be disabled for this post. BUT, if you would like to contact me directly, you can do so from the right hand column. If your message is especially colorful and entertaining, I'll go ahead and add it to this post. Oh, and please don't be anonymous; if you want to rant at me, use your name and don't be a douche. :)